I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
