Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
