That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
