Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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