Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
