If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
