Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
