You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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