Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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