Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And then my night got REAL pukey
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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