Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My liver just had a heart attack.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
