I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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