i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
