dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
