I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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