why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
