We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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