everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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