She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
