How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
