They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
