Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
