Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She bit a glass in half.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
