I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
