Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
