You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
