Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
