Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
not ubering you a puppy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
