The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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