WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
