If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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