fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
