She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My vagina just clenched in fear
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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