whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
