Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
