he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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