Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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