A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
