That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
