the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
