think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
