the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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