uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
