i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
