What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
