It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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