i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
