Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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