he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
