idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
