...so i touched it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
