Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
