if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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